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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Holder DOJ Releases its List of the 10 Most Wanted Right-wing Extremists

Civilian Internal Security Force * * * CONFIDENTIAL BULLETIN

[10] Neal Boortz: Prolific promoter of dangerous ideas such as the "FairTax" and "Tea Parties". Boortz commands an immense radio audience and frequently appears on television while shamelessly preaching heretical, extremist views such as changing the tax code and reducing the size of government bureaucracies.

[9] Hugh Hewitt: The former child star ("A Christmas Story") has grown up to become the reported leader of the far right-wing Northern Alliance, host of a syndicated radio program and television commentator. Do not approach without electronic warfare support as Hewitt is known to use social media at the drop of a hat.

[8] Andrew Breitbart: Internet savant who controls a powerful digital media empire, he should be considered armed (with an iPad) and dangerous.

[7] Glenn Reynolds: (AKA "Instapundit") mass purveyor of right-wing propaganda and linkage; performs "blogging" at rates that can only be called dangerous. His family members are also "bloggers" and may be considered equally radicalized.

[6] Sean Hannity: one of the few rightwing extremists who is fluent in all types of mass media; from radio to television to the Internets. He has become even more radicalized since his partner of many years quit (Alan Colmes). Colmes was reportedly a calming force and tempered Hannity's extremism. Without that balancing influence, Hannity is said to have become a cheerleader for extremist views like flat taxes and "smaller government".

[5] Rush Limbaugh: Said to command an army of right-wingers approaching 40 million. Do not approach without RPGs and other heavy weapons.

[4] Michelle Malkin: Right-wing extremist who is not easily pigeon-holed or stereotyped; appears on television and radio; in newspapers and on the Internet. Despises corruption and, unlike Joe Biden, does not utilize a comb-over as a disguise. Evangelizes radical concepts such as "secure borders", "strong national defense" and "fiscal responsibility for government." Therefore, do not approach without overwhelming superior force.

[3] Mark Levin: Highly dangerous and said to be the intellectual leader of many right-wing extremists. Known to openly flaunt radical documents such as the Constitution, The Declaration of Independence, and Bastiat's "The Law". Skilled in multiple forms of martial arts and once registered his feet as lethal weapons.

[2] All Veterans: Veterans possess combat skills and experience that are attractive to right-wing extremists. President Obama's Civilian National Security Force is concerned that right-wing extremists (hereafter referred to as "wingnuts") either are veterans or will attempt to recruit veterans.

[1] Larwyn: no details are available regarding this shadowy figure, who is said to be a hidden force behind right-wing extremism. A national task force has been assigned to determine the identity of this individual.

Remember, CONTACT the Civilian Internal Security Force (or NBC if the line is busy) should you identify any of these individuals. DO NOT ATTEMPT to engage in a political debate yourself as you WILL lose and will likely suffer severe psychological damage.

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