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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Politico's Top Secret Scandal Selector, by Jonathan Martin and Kenneth Vogel

Biff Spackle located the screening tool used by Politico journolists Jonathan Martin and Kenneth Vogel to determine whether a political scandal is newsworthy:



To assess the scandal factor, please check all that apply:



Did the politician emit spooge on a young intern's blue dress?



Did the politician drive drunk into a pond, leaving his passenger to helplessly drown, flee the scene, and fail to report the incident to authorities in time for a rescue?



Did the politician spend decades as a Ku Klux Klan member, rising to the level of Kleagle (recruiter) and Exalted Cyclops?



Did the politician have a three-decade history of sexual violence against women?



Did the politician accept sweetheart loans and donations from the very organizations he was supposed to be regulating?



Did the politician steer billions in contracts to companies controlled by her spouse?



Did the politician's gay lover run a bisexual prostitution ring out of the politician's apartment?



Did the politican use campaign funds to support a mistress and love child while his wife was dying of cancer?



Was the politican accused of inappropriate behavior by two unnamed persons several decades ago?



IMPORTANT: Please select the politician's party affiliation: Democrat       Republican



Press button to determine this story's scandal status:






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